Far Away from You
What do you when you feel far away from your spouse. Hum!? Well there are I think two things you can do: you can either continue to feel far away and let that gap get bigger or you find out what is causing the gap and do something about it. I think every person who is married goes through this in their marriage from time to time. So when you get to this place don't feel guilty about it, do something about it, because it is not a matter of if it happens again but rather when it happens again.
As a worship pastor's wife, you may think that we as a couple never go through this. WRONG!!! We have been through this many times and know that their will be plenty of times to come. The first time we really went through this,we had been married almost two years, I felt guilty about it and instead of doing something about it, I just let that gap get bigger and we nearly lost the marriage.
After that we went to counseling and got close again, but I started really taking a look at what caused it. I started looking at what time of year it was, was I not close to God etc. I started thinking about ways to seal that gap so when it happened again I (we) could know how to handle it.
The first thing I noticed right off the bat when we start feeling far apart from each other is that we are not where we need to be with God. Once I noticed that and got back right with God that gap closed. Another thing I caught after looking and investigating was that their are particular times of the year we tend to go through this and those times of year are usually Christmas, Easter, and Mother's Day. Why? You might ask, well as a worship pastor those times of the year are the busiest. The times where alot more work is required at church and alot less time is spent with the family. Again you might ask why? Here is a short list for ya: finding the right songs, finding the right people for the songs, have a choir or not, is all the equipment working, having multiple practices, musicians calling needing direction or needing to cancel, what does the special look like, how can we outdo last year, do we have people for sound, lighting, media, do we have a backup plan for when everything goes wrong, having meetings to make sure everyone involved is on the same page and the list goes on and on. Once I figured this out I realized it wasn't going away so I decided the best thing for me to do was to just get involved with my husband in the Weekend Production. Since I did this that gap closed even farther because all that stuff that was taking us apart was now bringing us together because we did it together.
WARNING: One thing you must know and be warned of is that when you start feeling far away from your spouse dear old satan will always ALWAYS bring that girl or guy in that just so happens at the time fulfills what you are missing from your spouse whether it be communicating, a simple hug, a simple smile, etc. So always be on your guard. If you are not in your word, get in it. If you're not having dates, do it. If you're not having sex, start doing it. Never be alone with the opposite sex, this includes private messages on facebook. If you have to message someone of the opposite sex on facebook, send it to your spouse as well. If you need to tell someone of the opposite something and no one else is there, wait until some else gets there. If you have to call or text someone of the opposite sex, either wait till your spouse is there, tell your spouse either before or after the fact, or just let your spouse do it. Make sure to every so often check your spouses phone, facebook, email, twitter, whatever (yes that means you both have each others login and password for all accounts, get over it!!) (don't think of it as being a trust issue but rather protecting each other.)
WHAT TO DO: Coming from someone who has already been in this boat, if you find yourself getting close or too close to someone of the opposite sex. Cut all ties immediately, be rude if you have too. If they start asking questions, don't say anything. If they are a close friend or you have to work with them on a daily basis, don't be around them without your spouse. In time those feelings will pass as you get closer to your spouse and you'll wonder why you even had those thoughts in the first place.
Lastly always be open and honest with your spouse. If you are feeling far away from them, tell them. Talk about it. If you are not spending time in prayer and in your word on a daily basis. Start doing it. These two things will save you and your family alot of heart ache and pain.
As a worship pastor's wife, you may think that we as a couple never go through this. WRONG!!! We have been through this many times and know that their will be plenty of times to come. The first time we really went through this,we had been married almost two years, I felt guilty about it and instead of doing something about it, I just let that gap get bigger and we nearly lost the marriage.
After that we went to counseling and got close again, but I started really taking a look at what caused it. I started looking at what time of year it was, was I not close to God etc. I started thinking about ways to seal that gap so when it happened again I (we) could know how to handle it.
The first thing I noticed right off the bat when we start feeling far apart from each other is that we are not where we need to be with God. Once I noticed that and got back right with God that gap closed. Another thing I caught after looking and investigating was that their are particular times of the year we tend to go through this and those times of year are usually Christmas, Easter, and Mother's Day. Why? You might ask, well as a worship pastor those times of the year are the busiest. The times where alot more work is required at church and alot less time is spent with the family. Again you might ask why? Here is a short list for ya: finding the right songs, finding the right people for the songs, have a choir or not, is all the equipment working, having multiple practices, musicians calling needing direction or needing to cancel, what does the special look like, how can we outdo last year, do we have people for sound, lighting, media, do we have a backup plan for when everything goes wrong, having meetings to make sure everyone involved is on the same page and the list goes on and on. Once I figured this out I realized it wasn't going away so I decided the best thing for me to do was to just get involved with my husband in the Weekend Production. Since I did this that gap closed even farther because all that stuff that was taking us apart was now bringing us together because we did it together.
WARNING: One thing you must know and be warned of is that when you start feeling far away from your spouse dear old satan will always ALWAYS bring that girl or guy in that just so happens at the time fulfills what you are missing from your spouse whether it be communicating, a simple hug, a simple smile, etc. So always be on your guard. If you are not in your word, get in it. If you're not having dates, do it. If you're not having sex, start doing it. Never be alone with the opposite sex, this includes private messages on facebook. If you have to message someone of the opposite sex on facebook, send it to your spouse as well. If you need to tell someone of the opposite something and no one else is there, wait until some else gets there. If you have to call or text someone of the opposite sex, either wait till your spouse is there, tell your spouse either before or after the fact, or just let your spouse do it. Make sure to every so often check your spouses phone, facebook, email, twitter, whatever (yes that means you both have each others login and password for all accounts, get over it!!) (don't think of it as being a trust issue but rather protecting each other.)
WHAT TO DO: Coming from someone who has already been in this boat, if you find yourself getting close or too close to someone of the opposite sex. Cut all ties immediately, be rude if you have too. If they start asking questions, don't say anything. If they are a close friend or you have to work with them on a daily basis, don't be around them without your spouse. In time those feelings will pass as you get closer to your spouse and you'll wonder why you even had those thoughts in the first place.
Lastly always be open and honest with your spouse. If you are feeling far away from them, tell them. Talk about it. If you are not spending time in prayer and in your word on a daily basis. Start doing it. These two things will save you and your family alot of heart ache and pain.
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